Light up my room.

It seems my room will be changed around again on Thursday. It's my day off from school, because the teachers are striking against something once more, and my mum thinks my bed should be closer to the radiator across the room. On the good side, this gets me far from my brother and the rest of the family, when it comes down to locations on lower floors. On the other side, it puts me directly before the door, which gives me stress levels that hark back to when I was a kid, and couldn't sleep with my back to the door.

My parents get angry if I lock it, even though I can, but I don't take well to being snuck up on or woken suddenly, which is why I lock it.

This will also put me out of sight of the walls I'm allowed to pin things on, meaning I won't be able to see the super awesome glow in the dark posters Ivan gave me, because they're currently placed in perfect view of my bed as it is, and where my bed will be is around a corner.

We want to put curtains up, but I feel caged in on my own unless I can see the stars, or outside in general, at night, should I wish to. I only just got over that with the posters, because they glow in the dark and I can still see stars. It looks like a port-hole on the Enterprise.

But my main problem is that my mum is going to be spending time in the space I'd falsely believed to be my one haven. I know this is false, now, because two days in a row, my mum has been in here without me around, and tidied up. This is a problem on many levels.

I have a signed autograph from John Finnemore on my wardrobe, with my name on it, and a flyer from Over The Rainbow. I have a lighter in stupidly plain sight if you sit on my bed, for candles and meditation. I have some money on my desk that I've been saving up from when I get lunch money, so I can afford to get to London with Moony on our two year anniversary.

I have an entire box full of my name change papers, trans* documents about either transitioning, or the rights I have, copies of Pride Life, the gay magazine I get from Over The Rainbow sometimes, and a couple of trans* booklet things. All of it is the stuff I'm yet to show them because they'll react badly.

But more than anything, I find it uncomfortable to know somebody else has been in my personal space without my permission or my being there.

And on Thursday, I'll be there, but I'll also be hiding all this stuff, and my binder. More than anything else, on Thursday, I'm scared of the conversation we might have to go through. I don't want to be asked about anything, don't want to get into arguments or debates.

Really, I get that I need to get warmer in my room, but I have two duvets, I don't want to move everything again when I only just found a nice layout.