Yesterday I spent my time watching Star Wars, four out of the six films because we got too tired to continue. I watched them with two mates, one of their girlfriends and another guy with a cool name who decided my name is David, due to the scratched name on my lightsaber from the previous owner.
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| We took a break between Clone Wars and Revenge Of The Sith to battle. My saber is the one Anakin is holding. |
I felt accepted, I thought I was passing. It was amazing. I actually nearly started crying in the bathroom because I was so overwhelmed. But by the end of the evening I realised I wasn't. The cool-named guy had been informed of my transition, but was wonderful enough to not actually care. He still made male-anatomy based jokes that I was allowed to joke with, and it didn't feel awkward. It was mentioned that my friend's girlfriend must feel awkward spending the night with a group of guys, and she said it's totally fine. To be honest, she's definitely not a stereotypical female anyway. Her personality is like that of a young teen boy, all innuendo and immaturity. The two of them are perfect for each other.
Despite my metaphorical cover being blown, it was an awesome night.
Chase put up a video about his anxiety yesterday towards top surgery, and I've never watched a video of his that was so true to my thoughts. I'm really scared of starting T.
It's years away, and I haven't even changed my name yet, but I know I'm going to do it. I need to. And then I'm going to be doing it regularly for the rest of my life.
Being that dependant on something just in a little vile, and needing it to become the person I know myself to be... I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for that.
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