I dig down deeper, and you fall so much faster.

Today isn't how I expected to spend my Saturday 13th of July.

I'm not in Bournemouth. I couldn't sleep all night, I'm still exhausted. I kept waking and thinking it had to be late, but by the time I gave up it was only 9:17, the time I would have been in Bournemouth to meet Jake. Or, the time me, Jake and Moony would have been there to meet the group.

I spent a few hours in my room, trying to ignore everything, and found that when I laugh, it hurts.

Let me tell you a short story.

A while ago, my phone died for three days due to the influx of texts it kept getting, and I couldn't get a new one, or get to a reliable internet source. It broke me, I was a complete mess. My parents told me to shut up, to sort myself out because it's not like me and Moony are married or anything.

We don't talk about those three days, because they were the darkest days of my life. I don't remember much past complete pain, sending packed e-mails of my day each day to Moony through school.

But it was horrible. This is what it feels like. Did you know you can actually die of a broken heart? It can cause the heart to malfunction until you die because your beloved died.

I wouldn't believe it unless I was experiencing it.

But my best friend demanded I stay at his for the night, to get me out of the triggering environment. And if that isn't one of the most amazing things anyone has done for me, I dunno what is. We're just watching films, having a Karl Urban marathon, and a Marvel marathon. His mum is fantastic.

Me and Moony sorted out our sort-of argument. We were both emotionally compromised yesterday and said stuff we shouldn't have. It's alright though, because we know we'll never stop loving each other, and that's enough to get us through anything.

But now she's gone to have a drink with some friends, and I'm gonna watch DOOM, because it's a completely amazing film that is like watching back my childhood (because I played it a lot, not because I ran around killing aliens as an eight year old.) We're nearly one day closer, one day through the sudden hell we didn't expect ourselves to be in.


And if this posts seemed more disjointed than usual because my other posts are so very well structured then you can blame Tony Stark and his PTSD.