New Years

New Years. I spent it watching Priscilla Queen of the Desert, dancing to ABBA and watching RENT, all with my partner over Skype. I tasted expensive alcohol that tasted like mozzarella, and thought about how much has changed.

Over the course of 365 days - or 525, 600 minutes, as RENT sing – I left one relationship that I never really cared about, and entered into the best one I could ask for. I had a few hair cuts, met some wonderful people in Dartmoor, went to Sweden for a weekend, and began planning my future.

And admitted that I’m male, to myself and my partner, and my family, in a sense.

I found a name that I like, that fits me better than the old one. It feels like it’s tailored to me, like nobody else ever had it, except the character I borrowed it from. I like how it sounds, how it looks, how it isn’t normal or expected, like myself.

I got a new ring that basically signals marriage in future, began honestly thinking about surgery, hormones, Universities, marriage, kids. I went to the Harry Potter studios and saw the Hobbit, and found two wonderful friends that both understand and accept everything I am or will be.

In 2011, I’d never have believed any of that, and all events are important and dear to me.

So this, here, is a memorial to all of that, and to everything that waits. I’ve spent a while thinking things over, and come to a conclusion of what I want to have achieved by the last day of 2013.

-         Have an actual binder. Desperately. For reasons that are pretty much obvious.

-         Get to Sweden, at least once. Summer. And for New Years, if we can manage it. And Easter, though that one is still in the wings.

-         Progress in any way possible to my transition. Tell people, get school to change my name, get my friends to adjust. Soon only my family will be the ones using the other name, which will make that the one that’s a problem. Show them that it isn’t a name nobody will take seriously, because Sweden is fine with it, so is America. So is bloody England.

-         ‘You Do You’. Brian Kinney in Queer As Folk says ‘no apologies, no regrets.’ And there aren’t any better words to live by. Maybe I can’t be ‘out and proud’ at home, but I can do it anywhere else.

-         Consider applying for Uni very soon. Those who apply in October are more likely to get where they want to than those in January. It’s just next year.

-         Work hard for exams. Revise properly. Brighton only allows BBB grades; I need to get there. Failing, Mark Gatiss went to Leeds, Benedict went to Manchester. But Brighton is the dream.

-         Get a councellor or therapist. My last sucked, but there are other options. There are ways.

That’s as far as I can get. Nothing else is possible until 2014, but it’s a good list as it stands.

Until there is another chance, unless I have a sudden chance, that’s the best I can do for now. I am ‘only’ 16, after all.

Speaking of 16. I notice I've had that many page views today. Thank you! And I have readers across the ocean. You can't believe how amazing that feels, really.