I'm using this title in hope that people who need advice may stumble across it. I've spent hours scrolling through web pages trying to find help with these issues. And I know something like this is exactly what I'm looking for.
I'm going to put in a load of links here that have helped me. As well as it hopefully helping others, if I need to access these links away from my laptop, I'll be able to. So it's good for all, really.
These aren't specific, either. Transguys or girls can benefit from these, I think. Of course, what helps is entirely subjective, but I can only do so much.
First, I can't sing the praises of
Susan's Place enough. A safe space for Trans* folk, intersex, pre or post op, anything in between to talk about all the issues that you'd usually be thinking 'it's a trans* thing' if you considered trying to explain. They have different posts for literally anything, even stuff you'd not dare to bring up yourself. I've found that looking through the posts and discussions helps because there are other people having problems, too, and we're not alone in this.
Some notes on meditation has helped me a heck of a lot. Actually, that entire blog. I think I may have mentioned ellie before, but for the purposes of people who only find this page, I'll pretend otherwise. They talk about various breathing techniques they've found that help, and books to help if you want further reading. The rest of the blog is well written, thoughtful, and just generally fascinating.
Autostraddle is actually a blog for lesbians all over the world. They cover gay topics and such, and newsworthy things that are just important (their coverage of the USA elections were particularly good). Despite happily being a gay mostly asexual transguy that's engaged to a wonderful and perfect girl over in Sweden (I never suggested I'm conforming), I actually stalk this website a fair amount. They've got two posts that help with dysphoria, and there are probably more, I just haven't found them yet. Just going through the blog itself helps me, reminds me how much good there can be in the world. But less of that, this is about you guys.
'
25 things to help dysphoria seem smaller and quieter' is exactly as it sounds. As is a '
Make-It-Better' box. I have two, and am considering a third. One goes in my school bag, and is a wooden die. I fill it with a Swedish coin, a Doctor Who badge, guitar pic, 'fairy stone', with a hole in the middle that supposedly helps you to see fairies, a few other odd little things, and a bag of earl grey tea, in case I'm desperately in need for a sit down and chill out moment. The other lives on my desk, with a glitter-made gay flag pattern on top and the promo pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch and Johnny Lee Miller's Frankenstein at the National Theatre. It reminds me that society doesn't always get it right, and even those who are perceived as monsters have their own emotions. It, too, has a Swedish coin, cinema tickets, a figurine of young Anakin Skywalker, a playing card of Loki (somebody I see as just trying to have fun, but horribly misunderstood and isolated, which led to his downfall), a small device that was once in a pen that plays out the sound of the TARDIS landing, or the old Who theme tune, and a load of other things that remind me of better times, of being happy. I can't stress enough how much having one of these around helps. Just knowing it's there, if I need it, is wonderful, and the time taken to put it together distracts you from everything else.
A good friend of mine, Ivan, wrote a
poem a while ago. I'm sure he won't mind me sharing it here, since it's on his Tumblr anyway. More reminders that we're not alone in this struggle. Actually, I have a strange inkling this may have been almost directed at me.
I've mentioned before, when I found it, but there's also support for trans* folk who don't have supporting families, rather like myself.
40 moms, 40 messages is that support. Audios, videos and written pieces from mums, dads and families that take you under there wing for a few moments, to remind you that you're loved, even by those who don't know you. I was in a dysphoric place when I stumbled over this, and each message made me cry with relief.
Another '
how to cope' article, here, too. And finally, sorry ladies, here's a last
tips guide. I'm sure it can still apply to trans*girls, but that wasn't the original audience, so you'll have to skip a few things.
That's all I've managed to gather, but I'll be sure to edit this accordingly if I find other sources.
Other things I've found to help are chocolate, music that you find relaxing, or a movie you connect with. For me, that's Sherlock, or Jeeves and Wooster, or all manner of gay-based films that I've mentioned in previous posts. Just taking some time alone, to think over everything. I find my thoughts drifting to when I know things will get better. For me, that's about nineteen months away, when I'll move to Brighton for Uni. I'm determined to get there, and my partner will meet me there. I can start transitioning, because I'll be old enough to tell my parents to stuff it and do what I know I've needed to all my life. I start planning what I'll leave behind, what I'll take with me. What matters, what I'll do.
It's mentioned in one of those links, but talking out loud works, too. Voicing your problems, or typing them. Stephen King talks about nobody really knowing where they stand on something until they've written it down. Getting all the pent up energy out really helps. Or writing a letter, talking about why you're feeling the way you are. Keep it, burn it, rip it up, whatever.
At the end of the day, dysphoria is down to the individual, as is how to make it go away, or even lessen it. Some things may work, some won't. But the amount of links and information, and the online community as a whole, show that it isn't something anybody has to go through alone.
