Bros have each other's backs.

My brother has been trying to get my Skype name for a while now, and swore at me when I refused to give him it. Last night, my parents found out my reluctance and said I was being mean and selfish, and the reason 'I'd just seriously rather not, let me have my privacy' clearly wasn't enough.

My real reasoning was that it's my chosen name, and my gender is male. But my parents pressured me more and more, and I was jumped into unexpectedly outing myself to my brother.

It's not all terrible, since I intended to tell him before I told my parents again anyway, I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. Although, I've always worked best when I don't plan to do something at a specific time, and just go for it.

So I ran upstairs, and told my brother that if he opened the door and let me in, I'd tell him my Skype name, and explain myself because there was more to it. I was shaking so much, and he offered me a Rocky bar he had on the side, but I declined.

I decided to just go for it, asking if he'd heard of Transsexuality. He had! I proceeded to gesture at myself shakily. He pulled me to sit next to him, hugged me, and took hold of my hands, telling me that it didn't matter to him at all, and it was fine. He seems to think I still like women, though, on account of him thinking I crush on Scarlett Johansson. I wouldn't mind if I did, she's a beautiful woman, but I'm kind of gay and with a woman, anyway. Shh it makes perfect sense. He said it means we can both go drinking and oggle at women. So bro times ahead perhaps, although there'll be no oggling from my unless it's to compliment people's outfits and if anyone gets close I'll wave my ring at them.

Turns out, he saw the same documentary that I did, the one I wrote about a while ago. 'Boy Who Was Born A Girl', so he understood, and just asked my name. True, he proceeded to laugh and ask why, so I explained everything except that I got the name from Vampirates, a  damned awesome book. He told me to give mum and dad time, because it's not that they don't agree with it, more that they can't believe it's happening to them, to their little girl.

Me and my partner knew my brother would be a good ally, and I'm so happy that he knows now. He guessed about my relationship too, but doesn't believe in asexuality. I still reckon it's linked to my dysphoria, but it's all well and good.

It was spur of the moment, and I don't know quite how it happened, but it's a good sign and if telling my parents goes badly, I'll just go to him about it.

Holiday Parents.

I just stumbled across this site.

http://www.yourholidaymom.com/

And it is fantastic. 40 mums, dad, families have recorded or written messages to support Trans* kids, or anyone in the LGBTQ community that don't have supportive families. I've cried over each and every one that I have listened to or read, and it's such a strong confidence and love boost.

These people give their time to adopt you for the day and welcome you into their homes. They all say how you're always welcome and you matter to them; they'll be thinking of you these holidays, and it's just amazing. If you're feeling a little down, just go listen to one of these, and you'll instantly feel better about yourself and a little more hopeful.

That's all I have to share today. That, and the fact that it's making me want to go and out myself again. Maybe once my parents aren't so ill. I expect I'll end up yelling anyway.

Get dressed ye merry gentleman may nothing you dismay for it is Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas day.

Merry Christmas one and all!

Warning this post is actually kinda boring and there's nothing Trans* related really but I always kinda wanted to write a Christmas day post.

Today started slow and crap, but it's picked up, and now I'm feeling good about it.

I woke at 9am and went downstairs to find my mum asleep downstairs. She caught the flu, and isn't feeling brilliant. My dad keeps irregular hours and doesn't usually get up until 3pm or later. And my brother. Well. He works at a night club in the next town, and because buses aren't running on Christmas, he was gonna get a lift home with a mate.

They didn't know and he tried to walk home, only to collapse of exhaustion and drunkenness (he's worked an 18 hour shift, then a six hour with no sleep between despite going home) and the police picked him up. We had a storm last night, he was bloody soaked when they picked him up. If they didn't, he could have died, seriously, and he doesn't even see how serious that is.

So my plans to get up and watch The Blue Carbuncle was thwarted by mum downstairs. I had to quietly open my presents and resorted to watching Aladdin on volume three so as not to wake her while trolling Tumblr.

I have issues with Aladdin now, since my partner gave me the Swedish version for Christmas and I realised the English voice actor for Aladdin is crap and Peter Jöback is the perfect voice and just no. And Jesus, their Genie is gayer than Robin William's version, even though I did not think that possible.

However. My stocking gift included invisible!Bilbo and it's beautiful. Also a stupidly female body spray, though. Which hurt a little.

When mum got up, we watched almost all of the old Superman movie, until a close family friend turned up and gave me a cool old French Policeman's cap. Looks exactly like something from Les Mis.

My dad got up at 2pm, then my brother followed at 4pm after having only got home at 9am when I got up. I got box sets (Jeeves and Wooster, League of Gentleman, Part one of Doctor Who Season 7, a DVD of Sherlock Holme's Smarter Brother), CDs (Mika - Life In Cartoon Motion, My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, The Clash - London Calling, Rocky Horror Picture Show album), the next Young Sherlock Holmes book, a Holmes mousemat that's just a bloody artistic portrait and it's going on my wall, and a metal Basil Rathbone!Holmes plaque that's beautiful. And a new CD player/stereo thing. It's black and gorgeous and I'm in love with it. Not as much as you, though, my love.

Oh, and my partner gave me Swedish Aladdin with English option and the same of Basil The Great Mouse Detective, two of my favourite Disney movies leaving only Peter Pan, and a PewDiePie (youtuber) shirt, and Ianto Jones. The Ianto figure is pretty much impossible to find, let alone in the case, and I actually cried.

Other than that, not a lot happened.

Doctor Who was fucking amazing, though. I won't give spoilers since I know my partner reads this and we're watching it together tomorrow but it was amazing and the Moffat references were spectacular and dear God the new titles and TARDIS and Clara and the gay Silurian woman and yes perfect.

So Merry Christmas all, I hope you had fun, you enjoyed yourself and nothing terrible happened.


The title of this post is from the Cabin Pressure Christmas special, if you're interested. The guy who wrote it, John Finnemore, plays an adorable character that sings this because he doesn't believe the other lyrics are real. He's sweet, really.

Make The Yuletide Gay

I'd barely noticed, but it's Christmas in two days. Sneaky bastard.

Me and my partner went shopping the other day, to get my some clothes that actually fit my gender, and something amazing happened.

I used the male changing rooms and nobody stopped me. I did a celebratory ridiculous dance once I closed the curtain.

Actually, the woman in charge of both male and female changing rooms apparently looked at me in a way my partner didn't like, so she asked 'can I got with him?' casually, to reinstate my confident demeanor. I swear flared jeans would be the death of my if not for this awesome new straight-leg pair I got! I have to roll up the bottoms, which is kinda sad, but they fit without even a belt, and are perfectly comfortable.

I also got a pair of dark blue chinos - I know, ugh chinos, but these are bloody nice - and a dark blue jumper with brown suede elbow patches and shoulder patches. There are little white Ws and blue ones that are hardly noticable in the rows between, and I feel so fantastic now I'm wearing clothes that actually show who I am.

So on that note, merry Christmas etc;

And here's a list of lovely gay romance movies, should you be interested in some gay fun this holiday.

Patrik 1,5 (Swedish, subs needed but perfectly worth it)
Beautiful Thing (Sweet British feel-good film)
Get Real (Two sixth formers fall for each other. Feel good and adorable)
Maurice (Rupert Graves being a country-kid and Hugh Grant being all gay. Perfection.)
Priscilla Queen Of The Desert (because who doesn't love Trans* folk, drag queens, and music!?)
Christopher And His Kind (I'll never look at Matt Smith the same way again)
Total Eclipse (Who wants to see Remus Lupin get with Jack Dawson? Everyone.)

And of course Brokeback, if you're feeling brave.

There are many many more, but this is the most I've managed to get through. Make The Yuletide Gay is another that I intend to try out later.

Over the Rainbow.

There's a quote, from Supernatural. Dean says it to somebody, possibly their dad, I can't quite remember.

And I'm thinking to myself; I'm 16 years old, most kids my age are worried about pimples, prom dates, and I'm seeing things that they'll never even know. Never even dream of.'

It pretty much sums up everything, right now.

My partner came over for two weeks, but in that time I finally got rid of an ex who had taken up interest in my again, and lost the companionship of my best friend. I'm hoping he'll eventually work out that I actually care about him more than he could possibly imagine, and didn't mean to upset him.

Since I last updated, I tried to visit a therapist/psychologist/whatever she calls herself. Her name was Melissa, and she was a nice enough girl, if not for the fact that she didn't understand Transsexuality, tried to convince me to tell my parents, and couldn't actually help me.

She did direct me to a few communities, including a place called Over The Rainbow, in Bournemouth. But I can't actually get to Bournemouth routinely without raising suspicion from my parents. Still, nice of her to try.

I realised I can't really go to one of those people yet, because they really can't help, no matter how good they are. I can't begin to sort my life out until my parents accept me/I force them into my way of thinking, and everybody else knows.

But as soon as I get across to University - roll on September 2014 - I can go to a GP, tell them what's going on, get sent to a psychiatrist, and start the big ole process. I won't start T until my partner can get over here to stay, in maybe three years, but I doubt I'll even have any to hand until then, so it's fine.

The way things look, by the time I'm 22/23, I should be on T, perhaps I'll have had surgery, and nearing my wedding. It's a long time, but it's good to know where I'm heading.